Whose life flashes before your eyes??

The short version is that we came extremely close to Kathryn being hit by a car yesterday, very seriously...hard, and fast. The tires screached as the car pitched forward as cars do when brakes are slammed. It wasn't Kathryn's fault AT ALL, but it sure was upsetting. She was in tears by the other side of the street after shouting "I'm ok!!" in the road, like she was telling herself more than anyone else. The guys all came out of the gas station to see if she was ok, after watching the very near-miss.

Hours later, she was looking at me... big, beautiful eyes blinking up at me- with the natural rhythm that I'm sure they always do, but somehow appearing to be awesome today- and I knew she was talking, but wasn't hearing her. All I could see was the wonderful fluidity in which her long dark eyelashes swooshed up and down without effort and with such perfect motion. She was laughing out loud at her own chatter, but steadily holding my gaze. Her eyes twinkled with a big smile in them. She has a great smile, but I'm not sure if I like it better when her mouth or eyes smile.

I get this numb/sick feeling if I think about it. I'm trying hard not to. But, I get this itsy-bitsy, teeny fragment of a flash of what she might have looked like last night if....IF.... when those eyes wouldn't have been smiling. Maybe they would have massive swelling, or road rash, or stitches...or be lifeless. She's always been a pretty little girl to me, with enormous spunk and energy and charisma, but today she's even prettier than usual....what a pretty color her eyes are, i keep noticing. What lovely skin she has. Beautiful teeth. I love them just where they are. We waited SO long for those adult front teeth to finally come in.

When it happened, we had been leaving CCD. It was the 20th anniversary of Mom's father's death (TWENTY YEARS??? That's a WHOLE other realization) and I was aware of it all day. Maybe I just WANT to think it was him who popped that car to a stop. Or her feet. Maybe that just makes me feel better. Maybe I named my youngest baby after him to make sure I always felt close. Maybe. She is a BEAUTIFUL girl.....especially today. What a face on that child. She's just beautiful.