The eve of 9/11...

Just watched one of the many shows on this weekend about 9/11....

Just kind of sitting here breathtaken, - again - by the enormity of it all.

I didn't lose anyone... personally... but I can't help but recognize how it SO changed our world. The sense of our fallibility. Our sense of "control". Our sense of what is important. Our definition of fear. The scope of our dreams, or nightmares for some.

I guess I am "young" enough that this is one of the first events that I can recall with such clarity (like when Kennedy died and everyone can tell you where they were when...) It's also probably the first thing that was so enormous that happened while I was a wife and mother, too.

I vascilate from wanting to sink into it because I appreciate having everything that I do have SO much more when I submerge myself in watching this stuff, but at the same time it hurts. It hurts in so many ways I can't see straight. Guilt for being "fine" (if that makes sense) or guilt for knowing how much pain others live with, and how cranky I get when I don't "have" everything I want. What a jerk I can be sometimes. Really.

So, I guess this is my little moment of silence to re-ground myself.

Maybe it's my RE-ground ZERO.

Many prayers to all of those affected in any way by this... families, heroes, deceased, survivors, and more broadly, the military and thier families, and all of us who just will never be quite the same, and remember "before" it.